An unknown man from Moodabidri in the Dakshina Kannada district of Karnataka is said to be unnecessarily enthused nowadays, despite the soaring inflation and general discontent in the rest of the populace. The yet-anonymous man’s annoyingly upbeat mood has caused acute irritation in the rest of his family and friends and they are said to be upset to the point of throwing him out of the house. The cause for the man’s devastating jauntiness is indeterminable at present, and has led to crack squads of detectives being set upon the task of discovering the root of this maniacal merry malaise.
The man, called John Doe by Moodabidri police in an alarming case of exposure to American crime drama shows, embarked upon his criminally cheerful mood around 4 PM last Thursday, after no event of any significance was reported in the Dakshina Kannada district. He walked to the porch of his house, where his wife was leaning against a pillar and morosely contemplating their future since making ends meet was proving very difficult, and abruptly lifted her off the ground and swung her around in circles in a maddeningly joyous gesture. Leaving a stunned better half behind, he proceeded to his neighbour’s house where the entire family, along with friends and well-wishers, sat crying and mourning the death of the eldest member of the house. Unleashing a devastating wave of happiness, John Doe went around personally hugging and kissing each and every mourner and singing an irritating tune about the onset of better times. Annoyed by this, the orchestra that had been assembled to play deathly elegiac music beside the body upped its ante and began playing even more morose tunes than before. But John Doe would not give up and sang even louder, eyewitnesses say, and the orchestra simply could not keep up. Finally, handing the victory to him, all the members of the orchestra joined the mourning family to cry loudly.
The man was arrested yesterday by Moodabidri police after an intense manhunt lasting for a surprisingly short while. Faint-hearted questioning revealed that the source of the man’s happiness was his being illiterate and going deaf as of last Thursday, meaning he could neither read nor hear bad news. Police now say a man with such faculty for happiness will not be tolerated in their peaceful city and he will be driven out forthwith and can seek asylum in Uttara Kannada, ‘that happy place.’ When asked whether the inflation did not affect his mood in any way, the man maintained a stoic silence, impressing many with his dignity.
John Doe can be reached for questions at john.doe@bjp.org.
