In Karnataka, 4000 government doctors resigned en masse (that means all together like one only)on Monday, despite a government request to defer the decision till they meet the Chief Minister on October 4.
“We are pretty sure our diagnosis of PLAGUE(pointless-labour-agitation-und-misplaced-greed universale) is accurate, but the Chief Minister is the specialist and also a “Dr. of Something and all”
“We also want time bound promotions that have to do with how old we are and not how good we are, because that’s sheer discrimination. And an incentive for doctors who are doing a lot more than their job by healing the poor and not just the rich,” said alleged representatives of the Doctors’ Association.
MOB FURY
To minimise the effects on patients the protesting doctors announced a two-week notice period till October 14. “From October 15, we will start practicing in private,” one of the doctors said.
This led to a huge ruckus when AVX Shenoy got up screaming that he wouldn’t want his privates practised on. The mob dissipated rather quickly since they were needed elsewhere for a more lucrative event.
Hypochondriacs practise Gandhigiri
Hypochondriacs upset with the doctors at being on strike just when they felt something coming on, have decided to take a leaf out of a popular Bollywood movie about a mobster-turned-doctor featuring non-violent forms of protest by an actor who allegedly used AK-47s and other hyphenated weapons to hunt alleged rabbits. “The word for this form of protest is “gandhi-Giri” named after the second cousin of well-known Mindry.in member Sharath.” screamed former 8th standard student turned stock-broker Thabish, needlessly plugging Sharath Kowligi of Mindry before being dragged away from the press by his mother to do his homework and sell his stocks in Unilever and Air India.
Hypochondriacs have, however, struck back at their peddlers, enablers and well-meaning relatives by returning placebos to pharmacies and drug dealers. “With recent developments in Government medicine no one who was really sick went to a government hospital and lived to tell about it. Hypochondriacs on the other hand are the ideal customer for government hospitals. There is really nothing wrong with them so the fake medicines didn’t really hurt them. Furthermore, they’d wait out the doctors, the attendants, the watchmen and the umpires that tend to hang around government hospitals waiting for a bribe. This created a lot of camaraderie between the corrupt officials and the delusional non-healthy(the politically correct term for hypochondriacs). Bargaining sessions over the actual amount to be paid would run into hours” says Dilip Dalrimple, a perfectly healthy person who tends to write a lot about medieval healthphobics. In page 462 of his latest book written over the weekend and scheduled to hit stores by Thursday Sicks of the Punjab, he chronicles one Kannadiga housewife and mother of three who brought down a junior doctor from asking Rs 100 from her to washing her dishes for her because she was sure that she had mina Mata disease after she purportedly ate the thermometer that the doctor was ready to use to prove that she was fine. The government thermometer turned out to be a straw imported from the coconut stall. This is where the protest was first seen.
Straws-turned-thermometers were thrown into the street at BTM layout and burnt in a bonfire. Various coconut vendors and juice stall vendors stood by aghast as the “medical doctor devices” were burnt by peaceful mobs of hypochondriacs.” We don’t want to be healthy. We don’t want to say things like we’re happy and disease free. But these doctors are giving us no choice. We will not take any of this medicine because the doctors have failed their purpose. They can’t blackmail us like this,” said one despondently healthy man. The tower of B Complex pills returned by the healthphobic at one pharmacy in 4th Block Complex in Jaynagar was large enough to be scaled by Docomo workers looking for space in the crowded market, winking and nudging at their implied puns.
Meanwhile, some priests mediating the hypochondriac strike are still holding out hope that they can convince the hypochondriacs to believe in other irrational things that can depress them and threaten their lives instead of fictional diseases.
