Australian RTI figures reveal hundreds of soldiers have tested positive to a host of illegal drugs since troops were sent to Afghanistan. Various Indian journalists huddled in a corner and went into a tizzy that RTI worked at least in some part of the world.
“I do know the Australian Defence Force (ADF) is very concerned about the problem.
Cocaine is the biggest problem though, because it’s as cheap as chips.” The Sunday Mail reports one Mr Jarrett something saying.
Mindry reporters (myself AVX Shenoy) went to Afghanistan where it was discovered that not only was cocaine as cheap as chips but also that chips were sold in the cocaine flavor. The Taliban are allegedly marketing this with a brand new TVC
No one can eat just one as cocaine is addictive and whatnot
featuring the brand name Slays, clearly a cheap rip off of a well-known brand along the lines of Reebuk, Niki, and Rolls Rice. The cocaine flavored chips also generously plagiarize the tag line “No one can eat just one” and add an unintentional pun.
“The Taliban have clearly not understood their danger. How dare they think they can get away with ripping off some young copywriter in a ad-agency? Pissing off the world’s largest military industrial complex is one thing, but you don’t mess with ad-men. They are crazy and will make up rhymes and gingles on the spot. And if you really cross the line you’ll get sued.” Said former 8th Standard Student Thabish.
Executive Vice President of Marketing and Customer Service for Slays and Assistant Manager of the Taliban Mullah Hakimullah whose call-center name is Mullah Hakimullah denied all charges of plagiarism , drug dealing, 3 counts of mass murder and the stealing of taps from Sharath’s house this October.
“The creative concept behind the ad is the deep inner struggle of how when drugs are really cheap you should buy them. We launched a 360 degree campaign along with a few grenades. The posters say it all. “Buy it is being cheap.” Plus, the grenades add to general stress levels. We don’t need big names like an Osama or Atta these days to send a powerful message. These stars cost a lot of money and a few grenades and IEDS do very well in making the product more attractive to the consumer . Our product is also more competitve, because while salt is good and spanish tomato is superb we use cocaine and salt. I mean, that’s top shelf.” Hakimullah said.
Awareness campaigns are being run trying to dissuade Slays from selling it’s Cocaine Flavoured Chips to unsuspecting well armed soldiers from formerly colonial nations trying to prop up a largely discredited and corrupt regime. The campaign was catchily named SAVE-UWASFCNTPULDCR but that was vetoed by programmers working on spell check software in the highest echelons of the Peacekeeping forces.
Killing is bad. Dying sucks. Drugs are also bad. Chips are bad…but chips are delish, this is what the Western armies are up against. It’s a mental conundrum that has a highly successful marketing campaign to go up against. It seems though, that in addition to winning hearts and minds the West has also to win over stomachs, kidneys and dopamine receptors.
-Myself AVX Shenoy
