As Season 3 of the IPL draws to a close, I can’t help but feel nostalgic and compare then and now. No, I’m not talking about comparing Season 3 with Season 2. I’m talking about comparing IPL with another exciting sport* that has/had the same mix of athletes*, physically attractive promoters (of both genders) and vestigeal commentators.
*sport- 20/20 Cricket is certainly a sport when compared to golf and baseball. But let’s face it, a test match is more like a physiotherapy session for diabetics. Remember Nayan Mongia, circa 1998? I swear I’ve seen doctors recommend the exact same actions to a 70-year old walker to help improve circulation.
*athletes- My favorite “athlete” in cricket is Shane Warne. I could never dream that he was going to be accused of steroid abuse. At the most, he may have had more mosr anna (curd rice) than was good for him. Carl Lewis is an athlete in the rest of the known universe. Need I say more?
Bored on looker: Yes, mindry, do say more.
IPL Vs WWE Part 1: Money, Sex and Drugs
Miss Elizabeth Doomed Manager of Macho Man the Randy Savage
Money
The IPL has a ton of money. Over $200 million in net worth according to Forbes and possibly billions in revenue. Forbes also estimates the WWE revenue to be worth upto $750 million (Recently Forbes has been jobless enough to estimate Bruce Wayne’s net worth to be $6billion and Santa is allegedly the richest fictional creature out there with $?billion. Personally, I would estimate that Cthulhu would be the richest fictional creature. If Cthulhu had invested Rs 1000 in SBI Fixed Deposit at 7% interest it’d be worth about $2 ? billion after you add up the money accrued since the beginning of the Universe, and Cthulhu can take Santa on any day of the week and twice on Sundays, unless Cthulhu IS Santa Claus, which would explain many, many things.)
Sex
Gabriella Demetriades The Woman who could have been Ms Bollywood
Okay, okay, sex was just something I put there for the SEO like in our first Bharat Rathna video. But WWE’s female wrestlers, companions, (Think, the late Miss Elizabeth not Paul Bearer) easily compare to the Cheerleaders and the Bollywood connection of the IPL. If the IT department does shut Lalit Modi out of cricket he can easily start the Indian Wrestling Leage. I’d pay top rupee to see Neha Dhupia do a pile driver on Priyanka Chopra. The cricket doesn’t really fascinate the dope fiend+ hound dog demographic that is more likely to buy the legitimate and expensive merchandize. The afterparty is, however, fairly attractive. Recent experience has shown that T-shirt sales is a fairly complicated task.
Drugs
WWE is going to beat IPL hands down when it comes to Performance enhancing drugs. Sadly wrestlers use steroids like South Indians use coffee (twice a day at home and once in the office, with milk and sugar, of course, you ninnies). Miss Elizabeth died due to a drug cocktail and Chris Benoit’s tragedy is horrendous enough to be beyond at least my appetite for satire. Cricket has had some drug use stories. Shane Warne’s little diuretic debacle is, however, a pale imitation of a drug scandal in a real sport. Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif also deserve an honorable mention for nandrolone usage in the early days of the IPL. I’m seeing a mental image of an Oscars like ceremony with clips of all these events, where a dressed up audience claps politely at stills of Asif. Golf remains, I think, the only sport** that hasn’t been rocked by a drug scandal. Tiger Woods didn’t use performance enhancing stuff for his golf. I think we can all believe that now. And 11 of 14 mistresses confirm that he didn’t need to enhance performace in any way.
There is the recreational use of drugs as hyperlinked above. But, I’m not sure faulting people, let alone crickets, for smoking weed in the Caribbean is entirely legal. It’s a religious thing, and we take our religion seriously in some parts of the world, mainly the western and eastern hemispheres.
