Fed up with juvenile terrorists it is reported that India is about to start using reverse psychology on terrorism. In a path breaking thought experiment unknown writer Ajith Mindry, (not related to the great John Mindry) recommended that India simply ignore the problem and until it goes away. An Excerpt of the well thought-out reasoning appears below.
No!! stop staring at the fireball. Ignore it, it'll go away.
“The next time a car bomb goes off, I think we should simply pretend nothing happened. We ought to have no news reports, no investigations, no nothing. Just have a few people mop up discretely and everyone just be on their merry way. Sure, we might get hit with a bigger bomb, because the terrorists love to get attention, but after a while, once they realize it won’t work, they’ll just give up and go away, or kill us all, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take on behalf of the country.
It works really well on a micro scale. Whenever my family has to deal with some random unpleasantness, say, me showing up drunk at their doorstep, or the cops coming to arrest me for my drunken behaviour or the local thugs coming to the house to collect on the money that I borrow to feed my drinking habit,
my eldest uncle steps into the hall and walks right across the room in his neatly ironed shirt and Dhoti, looking non-chalant. Then his youngest grandchild takes a dump on the carpet, she’s real cute, and says “potty”. We make the maid pick up the poop and pay her at the end of the month. Me, the cops, the thugs usually stand around for a while and then the situation somehow resolves itself. I think it’s entropy. If only we did this on a grand national level. I can’t help but imagine it. The current Home Minister, who bears a striking resemblance to my eldest uncle, is taking a lot of stress and should be more like his predecessors. His immediate predecessor’s ironed shirt also bears a striking resemblance to my uncle and his predecessor once-removed has a mustache that looks a lot like the mustache of (my) eldest uncle’s best friend. Anyway, I digress. Worst case scenario, if some small township is nuked we can assume they’ve all gone to a better place, but still continue to write them letters and send emails to their inactive hotmail accounts. But I’d still prefer borrowing a leaf from my uncle’s book. Email is too close. We just never speak of it again. Furthermore, each act of terror that never happened must be erased from our collective conscience.”
Mindry.in’s in-house conservative, AVX Shenoy trashed Ajith’s proposal in categorically filthy terms, “He has to be the dumbest f$#k that found his way to the Internet. No one understands entropy when it’s taught in IIT tuitions, but that doesn’t mean he can hijack it into a completely nonsensical context. The strength of our country allows this moron to air his views but we will certainly ignore… er..not take heed and continue on an aggressive front or at least do some decent PR while we continue on our current path to nowhere.”
Ajith had this to say about AVX’s critique, “I shall ignore it, until it goes away. Maybe by October of 2011, yes, that’s a random date for a deadline. Yes, I think my solution which has had no criticism is sound. Look the fastest ever trial of a “terrorist” took a year and millions of dollars just to keep him well fed and breathing. This Kasab character is no different from the 520,000 soldiers of the Pakistani Army. If we tried them all for a year we’d be doing this till the year 522010 A.D. Even the Star Trek sequels can’t visualize that far. Plus, the judge was witty and said hilarious things like “sit down”, which kept everyone interested and the FBI provided some more fun facts, which I think is difficult to ask them to do for the next half a million years. My way is the best. The alternative is to do faster trials, refuse to hand over terrorists in exchange for hostages and some cruise missile attacks, but I digress.”
Home Ministry sources have apparently refused to comment on either Ajith’s stance or AVX’s valiant 30-word defence. They were, however, quick to say they weren’t ignoring anything under the orders of P Chidambaram.
This report is a part of Volume 1 of the Outhouse Letters. Click to see more details
“He’s so intellectualy arrogant. Dreamy. I wish I had his job” Said AVX Shenoy and Ajith Mindry, both doing an equally impressive job of elocuting Digvijay Singh’s tapped phone call.
