Inspired by the morning’s headlines of India’s Environment Minister who decided he could make the leap from failing to save the tiger to unilaterally deciding internal defense, local paper-boy and IITian Umesh has decided the penal code ought to be changed to allow for a 7th chance for serial killers.
Panda-lover, tree hugger Jairam should be jailed: Umesh's worried boss
“I think we’re needlessly over emphasizing security when it comes to our dealings with proven serial killers. Sure, they kill several people and get a twisted sense of satisfaction but that’s no reason to be “paranoid” about what serial killers can do. They were only killing people a long time ago. Now they make stuff for us for real cheap. ” Umesh went on to say that serial killers and the rest of India have a lot in common. “Several serial killers are known to not recycle and be perfectly okay with ending the world. This is India’s stance too, with regard to not being forced to recycle. I would like to point out at this time that there are other inalienable features we share with serial killers. Such as two kidneys, two lungs and, of course, despite them being referred to as cold blooded,  serial killers are not poikilothermic. They are in fact warm-blooded like the rest of us.
 Keeping this in view I think it’s very silly of the intellectually arrogant Home Minister and the non-communist but atheistic Defense Minister to be paranoid about serial killers. We must revise this law immediately, and maybe tell the Law Minister as well. In fact, I have already decided to revise this law with or without him, because I can do that with my wierd hair and IIT degree. We will allow for a seventh chance for proven serial killers. I’m sure that our agreement over decidedly not fighting climate change will help them (serial killers) magically revise their lifelong pursuit.”
Umesh was last spotted entering the prison cell of a well-known serial killer delivering the paper as well as his new message of brotherly love. Umesh has not been spotted since and his boss is extremely worried. Jairam Ramesh, however, was last spotted continuing to claim to be one of the smarter people in government. “That panda-loving, tree hugger Jairam should be jailed. First for saying we shouldn’t be paranoid about the country that gave Pak nukes and still claims Arunachal. Second for leading young Umesh astray,” said AVX Shenoy the worried employer of Umesh and other child labourers including several MIT prodigees.
