Hurriyat Leader Yasin Malik Covers Up Quest For Size Zero As Hunger Strike
“It’s hard to go on a figure-slimming diet when one is a mass murdering terrorist. The stresses on the modern armed rebel are exacting and some even take up smoking to lose weight,” said one industry expert. Astute fashion observers have noted that JKLF and Hurriyat leader Yasin Malik has been steadily losing weight in the last few hours and has now found the perfect non-smoking cover to start his News diet.
Some might question if it’s even possible for Mr Malik to reach size zero and become a successful runway model on the Pakistani Occupied, Indian Administered or Independent Kashmiri runway, but they’ve clearly forgotten Mr Malik’s past. Yasin Malik had admitted being an area commander or team leader or some such thing for the JKLF and killing people, not on some MMS but on the BBC. The point here is that he has international exposure and a pious sneer i.e, He can be a good model, but only if he eats poorly. A gym routine is useful, but if he exercises too much it’ll just add to his muscle mass. “Is there a market for a size zero male model who shoots Indians? Sure there is. The way Pakistan is going there is eventually going to be a ban on size zero women on the runway. Well, women of any size on the runway or in public, in general, are likely to be banned soon, but there will still be a thriving fashion industry. Enter one size zero Yasin Malik. Problem solved,” said one HR representative.
“Technically, he gets the moral high ground because he’s on a hunger strike about police action in a state that he actively destabilized for the last 20 years, and he gets to lose all those extra pounds. I saw him shooting for his portfolio near the LOC, and his Pakistani photographer quietly shot some Indian troops on the border as well, under the cover of the photoshoot. He’s so going to be the face of the decade.”-AVX
