This is dark humor. We don't necessarily think the issue at hand is "funny haha"
Saffron Terror has been doing the rounds in the news, especially after a “democratic” mob tore up a few plants at TV channel that said things they didn’t like. What will it take for these guys to do the math and just get their own TV channel instead of acting in a stupid manner against TV channels they don’t own? Tsk, tsk.
The real concern should be that a mob of hundreds can gather and cause damage. “Where are the f*****g cops when you need them?” should be the real question, instead, we focus on these fringe groups who represent a medieval interpretation of their claimed faith. It all sounds so familiar. But, we really have nothing to worry about these guys, and here’s why.
1. Amateurish Target Selection
The alleged conspirators think the Vice President of India is a power center, and that eliminating this target would be enough to destabilize India. Hmm…The President of India carries out a ceremonial role. The Vice President of India …(it’s not even worth completing this sentence)
2. Easy Denial in event of Terrorist Success
Many people don’t know who the Vice President of India is. Firstly, this will make assassination of said person tricky.
Secondly, even
if they succeed, another person can easily be brought in and annointed Vice President. No one will know or care.
*Note nothing personal is intended against the incumbent…whoever he/she may be.
3. A Mere TV Channel Can Outwit Them.
Real terrorist groups in India duck and dodge the RAW and IB. These dudes got busted by a bunch of journalists. That’s “people who couldn’t even get a science seat in PUC” according to AVX Shenoy and several elders who wish to be unnamed. TV Channels are notoriously disorganized outfits, filled with nice but unprofessional people. Those who try to work with them know this well, and it’s telling that these guys got the better of prospective terrorists.
4. Lack of Good Youtube Videos Featuring These Fat Dudes.
These alleged saffron terrorists, they’ve not made one decent video on Al Jazeera or its non-existent ”saffron” equivalent. These guys have no production values and their leader(whoever he/she is) doesn’t even want to admit he/she’s a terrorist.
Their PR guys are terrible, and most of them look to be on the “healthy” side. (For everyone’s reference Bin Laden of the Osama variety is 6’6″ and weighs 140 pounds.
Law: Freakishly thin, tall people on Youtube are dangerous.
Corrolary: Fat short dudes not on youtube are not dangerous.
5. India Has Survived All Other Kinds of Terror, We’ll Survive These Amateurs.
Yeah, after about 30 years of Pakistan sponsored Kahlistani and Kashmiri terror, decades of internal strife among the tribes, brought about by a government with enough apathy to oppress, but without the gumption to finish the job, we will now have another small band of thugs wanting to blow stuff up for some other reason. Big whoop. We’ll ignore them. Sure some of us may die, but as long as it’s someone else the rest of us will continue to study for IIT JEE and CAT.
The only plus here is that we won’t have to talk to Pakistan about it. That Shah Mehmood Qureshi is such a fugly prick I’d hate to have to put any Indian in a room with him and play nice.
