% loss of Material Possessions in the youth provided by the Crime Branch
A new alarming trend shows that parents in America, far from inculcating good moral values in their God-fearing children have actually started to become more materialistic. The kids seem to be worried according to transcripts filed by Mindry.in field reporter Thabish*.
11 year-old Moab Mathis was the first child interviewed.
“They always have money on their mind and their mind on money. It’s like some ’90s rap song in my dad’s tape collection. Everytime they come to a decision its root cause is money. I wanted to go to Disneyland for the 8th time this month but what did Dad say? “No.”
Pretty normal reaction, but it’s not the action, it’s the thought, it’s the reason. Was it because he didn’t want me to dry-hump Snow White? Was it because he didn’t want me to miss school? Was it because he didn’t want me to puke on Space Mountain for the third time in a row spraying everyone?
Nope.
He said, “We don’t have the money.”
WTF?!
The obvious implication is that if John Mathis aka Dad had the money, he would absolutely let me do any and all of these things. That shows a simple lack of character. He’s got no moral compas. That’s disgusting man,” said 11 year-old Moab Mathis.
“I want my dad to be happy, to focus on making me happy and, yeah, distract my mom with his antics so I can be left to my own devices,” said 13-year old Annabeth Hess.”Lately all he seems to care about is getting a higher paying job. It’s kind of pathetic, because he says he’s doing it for me. He’s so selfish. I’ve told him before that he doesn’t have to give me money, he can just give me stuff. That’s okay too. I can do with a second TV in the shower. I don’t need cash, I’m not that shallow.”
Casey, 17, echoes,”They insist on looking at the price tag everytime I want something. I asked for nuclear weapons just to see how they’d react. My mother just came over and handled the situation by listing out the exorbitant cost of Polonium, Plutonium and that even if I saved up my allowance for 300 years I’d never get close to buying a delivery system. That’s just twisted. When I confronted her about it, she made some vague statements about how she thought I was going through some teenage angst phase.”
*Thabish is a former 8th-grader who’s studied the 8th grade in several countries and conducted studies on the stock market, the economic importance of Brother-in-Law Day, and most recently helped break the story that showed the Chinese Navy was planning to bomb one of its own oil rigs to get some attention back on to China and gain parity with the US.
