How Many Terrorists are using expensive Blackberries in India?
Is this suddenly a big thing now? Lots of terrorists with Postpaid connections using Blackberries to set up their con calls and set off their IEDs?
“Yeah, death to India and freedom for Kashmir, Districts of Nagaland…
Wait, instead of screaming that in my basement for free, where I brainwashed these unemployed dudes,
I’ll buy a Rs 20,000 phone that’s way uglier than the iPhone and text it to your Rs 20,000
ugly phone with postpaid connection. Wow we’re so efficient and corporate.”
Somehow I think that the ISI, the maoist tribals, devout followers of their own special superstition,
and the other guys with free time and NRI money are NOT going to be doing this. Here’s why screwing with RIM is a waste of time:
1. Blackberry sucks.
Blackberry sucks. It’s true. Get over it, RIM. You’re not Apple. So fuck off.
Blackberry is expensive, has a stupid form factor and it’s just not cool enough to commit serious crime.
2. Terrorists Use Cheaper Chinese Things..Including Phones
Terrorists, are big believers in “Made in China”…like the rest of the planet.
So given the choice between Rs 10,000-20,000 Blackberry traceable phone and oh, say an Rs 1,200-1,800 Chinese make
without any traceable serial numbers… what do you think they would choose?
3. Stop Aping the West
The West is really, really bad at fighting terrorism. They even bomb and invade wrong countries altogether.
America’s fetish for technology did not stop 9/11, nor has it captured Bin Laden with its
dildoesque drones a decade later. If America is doing it, it’s probably a good cue to not do it.
4. Hang The Ones You Do Catch, Don’t Tap Their Phones After they Escape.
Decade-long trials for convicts and post-modern European bullshit sentences are not the answer.
Europe can afford its limpdick legal code only after 5 centuries of colonial brutality. Tapping
Jaish-e-Mohammed’s Azhar’s imaginary Blackberry is kinda stupid when you know India should have hanged the guy 10 years ago.
5. Understand the Guys on the Ground
Kasab is a chutiya who can’t speak English. His family was poor and so he got a job…killing us. His office didn’t give him a Blackberry. He got a gun, trained how to shoot.. and shot people.
People who paid the Indian government good money in the form of tax to ensure that they wouldn’t get shot by foreigners. Sigh.
Taps and Hacks may undermine their phones but bombs will forever hurt me.
Terror in India is low-end and low tech needing HUMINT. People move their money through hawala, set off their bombs with cheap phones on bicycles, kidnap relatives of senior government officials fully expecting their demands to be met. To reverse quote Kennedy “They do this and all the other things not because they are hard but because they are easy”. Indian retribution is extremely sporadic and our rhetoric isn’t scary enough to deter anyone..not even a Canadian phone company.
