After years of being oppressed by the Hell authorities under the pretext of being convicted of extreme sins, the residents of Hell have decided to fight out the injustice meted out to them. They have now decided to come together and have formed an outfit called ‘People For A Better Hell’(PFABH). Yesterday, PFABH formally released a Hell-2020 vision document which aims to transform Hell into Heaven by 2020. To put pressure on the authorities to reform Hell, the residents have resorted to a massive hunger strike. The authorities are worried that this may result in mass deaths leading to Hell population thinning and putting their job in danger. “Where will I go? My condition is worse than that of people who have lost jobs in US due to outsourcing. Their job would have gone to someone in India, but my job doesn’t go anywhere. It dies”, said a deeply worried Hell official whose sole job was to torture residents by making them continuously watch recorded telecast of high-scoring-drawn-test-matches held in Sri Lanka.
Heaven authorities say that it is ridiculous to think Hell can ever be Heaven. “That would create huge law and order situation on Earth since there would be no disincentive of going to Hell. Considering that justice is extremely slow especially in countries like India, that situation would be extremely scary”, said an in-house analyst at Heaven Inc. sounding apparently presumptuous of the importance of Heavenly justice system in maintaining law and order. ”If Hell is made into a better place, then we would have to be even better which means massive investments in Heavenly infrastructure. Considering that we have historically treated people with money with disdain, such investment would be hard to come by”, said a high ranking official in charge of luxury services at Heaven.
Amidst all these, God has maintained a studied silence. There were rumours that the Divinity is now busy pursuing MBA and hence this silence. But such rumours were trashed yesterday by an official close to Divinity saying that this was falsehood propagated by certain business schools in order to win over more people to a course that is increasingly felt by some as “extremely hyped-up and with little value”.
