Time and Tide, unrelated entities bound together by proverbsmiths, yesterday announced their decision to go against the diktats of conventional wisdom and actually wait for a man. The landmark announcement was made at a press conference after abstract, non-existent concept Time and apparent, much-too-easily-influenced Tide signed a MoU with S N Ullagaddi of Harapanahalli (Bellary District). “We are pleased to let everyone know we will implement a wait-and-watch policy with regard to Mr. Ullagaddi” said Time, ”From now on, he will never know what time it is or be able to soak his feet at beach gatherings with his family.” This, added Tide, means that Ullagaddi, employed as a HR professional at a major Bangalore firm, can work from home at any time of his choosing. The decision has thrilled Ullagaddi greatly.
“As it is, HR people do very little work and are generally perceived, correctly, to be useless minions and a pointless drain on companies’ finances” said Ullagaddi candidly, thrilling useful and hardworking employees everywhere and dumbfounding MBA graduates, “If we don’t even need to go to the office, so much the better. That beach thing is a bit of a bummer, though. But when you consider that you never get just seawater and always get your feet entangled in plastic covers, human faeces, animal faeces, bird faeces, crab faeces, pictures of Rahul Mahajan, other faeces and things you don’t even want to think about, I suppose it’s ok.”
Mused he, “I will miss not being in my place when other employees come looking for me, though.”
There followed, at the press conference, a moment of great confusion when representatives of 24X7 news channels mistakenly assumed that newsmagazine Time and soap powder Tide would, for some reason, wait for S N Ullagaddi and spat as much at their viewers and cameras. They were subsequently escorted to safety and shot. Writer Arundhati Roy, at this juncture, asserted that Ullagaddi was not an integral part of India and randomly pelted stones at Rakhi Sawant.
Following this pointless event, rolling stones have reportedly decided to gather some moss, birds of a feather have decided to flock separately for reasons of privacy and stitches, irrespective of how timely they are, have decided to save only five.
