Computer wins in blindfold chess game against Anand
An Intel Pentium-3 processor-powered home computer today broke records when it won a blindfolded chess game against world no 1, Vishwanathan Anand. Anand, who did not play blindfolded, maintained that the computer cheated by switching the places of the king and the rook in the 33rd move when Anand was not looking. A tired computer, however, posted on Facebook that it played according to the rules programmed into it. Historically, no other computer has ever attempted even playing blindfolded, let alone win a game, observed chess enthusiasts.
The world chess committee held a meeting today to decide whether the computer must be crowned the new world champion. Anton Brokovich, the president of the committee, wanted the Java programmer of the computer to be crowned the new champion. “The computer will henceforth be addressed as ‘Grandmaster computer,’ ” the committee decided.
Later, in a press conference, Vishwanathan Anand mentioned that winning and losing were all part of the game. However, the computer posted on Facebook, again, stating that winning was always a part of it’s game. A dejected Anand decided to play carrom for the rest of the evening – a clever move.
Prime minister to change title
The prime minister, Dr.Manmohan Singh, called a press conference today to mention that he was mulling over the change of his title from ‘Prime’ minister to either Even or Odd minister. Dr.Singh, who has not been a very bright student of mathematics, said “I hate prime numbers. Primes have always been of less use, except for encryption and a 2 mark, third standard exam question. Primes have no natural roots and are based on the Riemann hypothesis which I have not understood very well. Hence, I am looking for other alternatives that I can easily understand, like even and odd numbers”
It has been quite evident that the Prime Minister is weak at math. At the global financial crisis management meeting held in Mumbai last month, the prime minister was seen counting 100 million by hand. The activity went well into the night before his secretary stepped in with a calculator. It is also very well known that the minister failed his third standard mathematics exam thrice in a row. Surprisingly, Dr.Singh fared well in algebra exams which had more equations with alphabets and less number crunching.
Dr.Singh has not ruled out using fractions and decimals in future.
Devil’s advocate stops expecting the expected
In order to see what would happen if he did so, fulltime Devil’s advocate Rahmat D’Souza decided to not expect the expected and await the consequences, PTI reports. The decision is his counter to the popular bromide ‘Expect the unexpected,’ reporters have learnt. D’Souza, also a doctor, is believed to have been greatly surprised by sunrises and sunsets as a result of his pledge and went into seclusion following severe shocks on account of everyday occurrences.
“I went in last week with a severe cough” said patient Mahela Jayawardena, “He put me in a small room and blasted me with extreme radiations, as chemotherapy. He’s treating me for everything except the cough. I now have three hands and eight genitals. It’s very awkward at home at night.”
Added he regretfully, “If only Paul the octopus were alive, we could have met. Something might have happened…”
Continued he, “Something…” before trailing off wistfully.
Dr. D’Souza was found in the bathroom of his house, where he did not expect people to look, after a brief manhunt.
