A man preserved cryogenically since the 1980′s and de-frozen recently has deeply embarrassed his family by revealing his out-of-date knowledge of everything, AP reports. H Chandramohan, frozen in a human-sized capsule in 1986 and thawed last week, has been repeatedly making observations, comments and jokes that reflect how anachronistic his ice-cooled mind is. This, according to his family, has caused “like, shitloads of embarrassment” [sic] and led to them regretting his re-emergence.
“We thought it would be a happy experience for him to finally get out of that solid prison and join us” said son Sudarshan, “But he keeps making these comments, jokes and obsolete references that make no sense at all. Sunday morning, he woke up at 7:30 and wanted to watch Spiderman and He-Man on Doordarshan.” It was observed that Sudarshan did the air-quotes while saying Doordarshan.
Despite randomly changing colours and designs over the years, Doordarshan faded fast from public imagination. They don't even think of it as imaginary.
“He kept asking for Rangoli, Chitrahaar, Oshin etcetera” said wife Pushpavalli, using the complete word ‘etcetera’ effortlessly, “He seemed amazed by cable TV and couldn’t take his eyes off it. The lack of pressable buttons for each channel on the television set disturbed him very much and he stood blankly in front of it. He thought the remote control was a pencil box and took it apart. Then, he used all our DVDs as frisbees and threw them out the window. Also, it strikes me now that his name is quite old-fashioned too. Chandramohan….only pot-bellied, middle-aged men you meet in marriage halls have names like Chandramohan.” Pushpavalli declined the opportunity to comment about how her name was older-fashioned than Chandramohan’s.
Chandramohan has also let out his ignorance of advances in computing technology. Much to daughter Hema’s (a computer scientist’s) chagrin, he quizzed her friends on their Logo and BASIC programming skills, barking “What does LT 90, FD 50, RT 90, FD 100, RT 67.38, FD 130, RT 45, FD 130, RT 112.62, FD 100, RT 90, FD 50 produce?!” When Hema’s friends failed to produce an answer within a randomly stipulated time, Chandramohan smugly remarked “Some sort of house. You kids should learn these high-level languages, and also this latest 80386 processor” and went off to fiddle with a dust-covered NES that he had bought as a youngster.
Chandramohan has also exhibited some common denial symptoms that can beset people when moved out of their place in time. When informed about the mapping of the human genome code, he reportedly responded with cynicism and scoffed at the very idea, remarking “What’s next? You’ll be telling me they found water on the moon! Hah!” When confronted with an iPod Shuffle, he is believed to have rubbished the possibility of a one-inch device storing hundreds of songs and said “Stop talking nonsense. Now, watch me record twelve songs on this TDK cassette” before hurrying off to do the same.
A TDK audio cassette, which went out of fashion with the advent of humanity
Chandramohan is said to have shed copious tears over the fact that ace newspersons like Gayathri Chandrashekhar, Sukanya Balakrishnan, Rini Khanna and Ravi Anna were no longer with Doordarshan. Events in the cricketing world also drew his ire. “Who is this Sachin Tendulkar?” he apparently barked, “Where the hell is Gavaskar? What happened to Kapil and Azhar and Shastri? And who is this fat f**k playing in Amarnath’s position? Yuvi? What kind of a name is that?!” Suffering from acute myopia, he refused laser surgery on his eye, believing it to be a Goldfinger-esque attempt to castrate him, and ran wildly into the street where he was hit by a douchebag travelling on a Segway.
