This Starving Somalian Refugee Claims To Be Most Qualified to Lead Andhra Pradesh's 60 million people
Practice Makes Habit
Nuur Madobe, a Somalian refugee in Yemen has staked claim to become the next Chief Minister of the Indian state of Andhra Pradesh. “These guys who’re currently fasting in South India are utter amateurs. I’ve been starving for decades. What’s the thinking here? They burnt a bus, they don’t want to go jail so they starve and they get power. That’s just stupid on so many levels. My fast is better although their fast is faster,” said Madobe. “We are not otters,” claimed one person masquerading as an MLA in response to Madobe’s statement.
Other Contenders
Madobe is certainly the leading contender, but there are others in the wings. The epidemic of fat rich people not eating to serve their own selfish agendas is not new to the world. Several people have used the malapropism “diet.” VLCC Dieting Deputy Department Head is reportedly also in contention, but no confirmation has reached anyone.
Noted singer Adnan Sami has not announced his candidature but has certainly gained support from satirists. “Adnan Sami has lost loads of weight! He’s clearly been fasting for months for the cause of . Why not make him the AP CM,” said one anonymous blogger.
Fasting Legislators Face Domestic Violence
All is not well for the public figures in AP. In one uncorroborated incident it was reported that the 80-year-old mother of a random MP slapped him in full view of his friends while they were about throw stones for “not finishing his food”. The octogenarian, bordering on senile then did a surprisingly good, yet misplaced impression of the late great NTR saying “Na bidda ra, na bidda.” “Well, it was a good parody of NTR, but NTR said it in a more gangsta context whereas this woman was being very anthropological about the whole thing. Still, I got my money’s worth,” said an astute bystander.
In an incident that had bystanders fleeing before another woman, the wife of a 35 year old MLC literally hounded him out of her house. “ She was brilliant. I can only translate the words, the intent… well, you had to be there: What does you mean you won’t eat? Since when do you give a shit about the people?! Stop lying! You’ve always been saying my cooking wasn’t as good as your mum’s. I’ll kill you! Stupid son of a bitch! I have an MBA! And I can cook way better than that hag that birthed you and your worthless crone of a sister!”
Genuine dieters and endurers of poor caterers are simply irritated with their communities being dragged into this mess. “Yeah, I’m rich and trying to slim, you can go to hell. I wonder if the great Potti Sriramulu foresaw this little farce being played out by those who would sadly inherit his legacy. Oh, what, just because I’m on a diet, I can’t be politically aware?” thundered one healthy, sincere person at this blogger during a smoke-break.
