In this final part, we look at Sibal’s sporting, spatial and other achievements. We would suggest you to have a look at Part 2 if you haven’t already done so lest you miss out on many interesting facets of this genius that we talked about there.]
Kapil, tired after a long vacation in the US in the early ‘80s, decided to take his mind off work and focus on a more relaxing pastime. His gaze fell on cricket, which a bunch of Indians had been playing for a few years now, with disastrous results. Kapil decided to rejuvenate the sport in India and enrolled in the Indian cricket team under the pseudonym “Mohinder Amarnath”. When faced with the choice of becoming a batsman or a bowler or a keeper, he naturally became everything, keeping wickets under the pseudonym “Syed Kirmani”. In 1983, in his maiden tournament, he led India to a famous World Cup win against the mighty West Indies. In his honour, prime minister Indi(r)a Gandhi called the team “Kapil’s Devils”, but this was mistaken as a reference to another player called Kapil Dev.
Kapil Sibal In Space
Buoyed by the world cup win, as also his numerous other achievements, Kapil Sibal now decided to explore what was being called the final frontier. He embarked on his maiden voyage to space, initially even without a spacecraft. However, even he could not manage to accelerate himself sufficiently to achieve the required escape velocity (despite a run-up of eighteen steps) and had to rely on equipment manufactured by the Russians. In 1983, he accompanied some Soviet cosmonauts and became the first Indian in space (unofficially). He placed a telephone call to prime minister Indira Gandhi from aboard the Prostranstvo and said “Saare jahaan se achcha, Hindustan hamara”, followed by a rendition of his most famous poem to date:
I never have understood why, so many of us multiply.
Which is the reason why, not corrupt is my space. Sigh!
Pandemonium erupted in the Prime Minister’s Office following this phone call, not least because Sibal was expected at a cabinet meeting and not gallivanting in space and reciting his couplets on a very expensive trunk call. However, Indi(r)a Gandhi congratulated him for his (unofficial) achievement and asked him to please hang up and come back soon, taking care to wish him a happy journey back. The following year, somebody else went to space and became the first official Indian there.
Sibal’s life story becomes a bit murky in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. Not much information was available to this writer during his research, and some incidents had to be extrapolated from circumstantial evidence. Thus, we can assume that Kapil Sibal’s superhuman brain was behind the perfection of human heart transplant surgery as well as synthetic water tanks (both perfected simultaneously). Some eye-witnesses aver that he broke Sergei Bubka’s pole-vault records in the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. There is a strong suspicion that he surreptitiously won the 1998 Wimbledon tournament, as also the Chatrapati Shivaji Park Cricket Tournament singlehandedly. His name is whispered with awe and respect in quizzing circles, where he dominates effortlessly.
His most famous accomplishments, like the HandyComp and handheld cars, have been documented elsewhere in great detail. His achievements as a Union Minister, from Nehru’s cabinet to Julius Caesar’s cabinet, are now folklore. The man’s reach is so far, and his ability to accomplish is so great, that it is impossible to capture in words, sentences, paragraphs and books the essence of Kapil Sibal. Entire magnum opuses can be devoted to him (and are done so, frequently, which is why this magnum opus leaves out much). No award on Earth is a sufficient recognition of his contribution to mankind. Thus, it speaks volumes of his humility and patriotism when, in 2018, Kapil Sibal awarded himself the Bharata Ratna, and not any other prize (or indeed, every other prize). He is a veritable Indian Leonardo da Vinci, and then some: a lawyer, a scientist, a sportsman, a surgical innovator, an astronaut, a software whizkid, a hardware guru, an educationist, an engenderer of revolutions, a polyglot and a Union minister.
Thus, it is only fitting that Albert Einstein once remarked “Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as he, ever in flesh and blood, could invent so many things.”
['India 2020: An Exodus To Utopia', written by Arjun Sharma and Harish Kumar is mockumentary style history of contemporary India set in 2020. This satirical literary marvel, read and acclaimed by the authors themselves, is waiting to find a publisher. Please drop us a line (mindry.in@gmail.com) if you are/know someone who can help get this book out of our computers and into the hands of the waiting-with-bated-breath general public.]
