In the runup to the assembly elections in Uttar Pradesh, the BJP has promised to give free cows to the poor if the party is voted to power. BJP’s promise of free cows is combined with the offer of free laptops and the party hopes this will boost the agro-information-technology-dairy industry that it hopes to create with its poll freebies. ‘Mother will milk the cow and feed the family, father will sell the bovine products and support family while the child will get education using laptop and eventually create the next Apple from Uttar Pradesh’, said a party leader who chose to, as usual, remain anonymous. Cows too were reportedly happy with this move of the BJP since it would not only give the cow a set of people who she can call her own but also enable her to contribute to the UP economy and also to the creation of next Apple.
Free Cow - Brought to you by BJP
However not everyone is happy. Satirists are angry with the BJP as the party has usurped their job with the free cow idea. “It’s our exclusive job to come up with fake news, parodies and satires. If people whom we mock themselves come up with stuff to mock themselves, where should we go? Our jobs and our entire community is under threat”, said an extremely angry fake news writer from south Bangalore.
BJP’s manifesto in Uttar Pradesh also promises to build statues of icons from all castes as a counter to Mayawati installing statues of only Dalit icons. This would necessitate a caste census of all our icons and subsequently providing statues and welfare schemes to the under-represented icons. For effective implementation, administrative experts say, it would be good to provide UIDs to these statues of icons-from-other-castes.
All these promises make me envious of the the poor in Uttar Pradesh and the potential-statues-of-non-Dalit-icons.
